


Just Dinner

by abrokenpieceoftruth



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode Fix-it, F/M, Light Angst, Romance, resolutions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 13:02:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4706957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abrokenpieceoftruth/pseuds/abrokenpieceoftruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After they got back from New Earth, Kathryn and Chakotay needed to talk. Kathryn, however, would deny this with every fiber of her being.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the amazing Talsi74656 for the best beta edits I've ever gotten :)

It was hours into the Gamma shift when the door chimed, but Kathryn was still awake. She was still in uniform, even—continuing a four-day effort to catch up on the weeks of reports and other miscellany that Tuvok had reviewed while she was… _away_. That's what people kept calling it. She and Commander Chakotay weren't _recovering_ or _trapped_ or even _planetside_ —always away, as if they had merely taken a vacation and were fully intending to come back. As if they had never given up hope. As if they had never started to move on.

The chime rang again, and without thinking she blurted "Come in." She regretted her impulsiveness a moment later when Chakotay stepped through the door.

She shot to her feet. "Commander."

He met her eyes. "Kathryn."

The faint hope that he had come to see her on ship's business vanished. After a moment of tense silence, during which she fought against the urge to put her hair up and the pounding of her heart, she asked, "Would you like something to drink?"

"Tea, please," he requested as he stepped toward the couch.

Kathryn passed him on her way to the replicator. "Tea, blend eleven, hot and coffee, black."

He raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure you should be drinking that so late?"

_I think I'm going to need it,_ she thought. Besides, was this really so unusual? _I guess he doesn't know me as well as he thinks he does._ Aloud, she said, "Oh, I won't be sleeping much anyway—I have too much to do."

She saw a look cross his face, one that normally preceded a firm lecture about taking care of herself, and she prepared to raise the mound of PADDs in her defense, but he sipped his drink and said nothing. For some reason, this bothered her almost as much as his speaking out would have.

"What can I do for you, Commander?" She clung to his title, hoping to avoid the inevitable.

He ignored it. "I wanted to see how you were doing. We haven't seen as much of each other since we've gotten back to the ship."

She almost denied it—after all, they saw each other every day on the bridge. But she knew that wasn't what he meant, and she didn't want to give him an advantage so early in their conversation.

Instead she said, "Oh, I'm managing. Just trying to catch up on two and a half months of reports." A safe and entirely true answer, and she knew he was experiencing the same.

"But you're glad to be back."

"Of course," she answered, feeling a twinge of annoyance. What did he expect her to say? "I've missed everyone."

And apparently, they had missed her. Chakotay hadn't been the first visitor she'd gotten that night, and he wasn't even the first to ask that question. Most people had welcomed her back when she went to the mess hall for dinner (the food, at least, she had not missed—nostalgia for Chakotay's cooking had set in after one bite), but Tuvok had stopped in later, and Tom had brought Harry by to awkwardly express their appreciation for her return. It had been endearing, really. This conversation was becoming much less so.

"So have I," he responded, his eyes riveted on hers in a way that couldn't be without meaning. She didn't know how to respond, so she didn't.

Chakotay took a long drink of his tea, seemingly planning his next move. When had their conversations become chess matches? She knew the answer, of course: it began the moment they heard the combadges crackling on the mantle.

"But I admit," he continued, "part of me misses what we had on the planet."

Kathryn froze, her gaze turning to ice—this was much closer than she had expected to get to forbidden territory. "Oh?"

"Relaxation," he clarified. "A simpler life." He looked down at his cup, then glanced at her. It was momentary and subtle, but she knew he was trying to gauge her reaction, and in that moment she tired of their game.

"Chakotay, if you have something to say, just say it." She managed to keep most of the terseness out of her voice despite her frustration. After all, he was still her first officer; she had to at least try to salvage their professional relationship. And she couldn't really demote him for his honesty when the feelings were mutual. At least, she wouldn't.

She could tell she had startled him, even though he seemed to take it in stride. "I've missed you," he stated. "I've missed _us_." She opened her mouth to interject, but he forestalled her. "I never expected things to stay the same once we got back on the ship. I admit, I had hoped we could at least maintain our the friendship, but if you only want a professional relationship, then that's where we'll stay." He put down his cup and opened his hands; whether instinctive or deliberate, it was clearly a gesture of peace. Strangely, it irritated her. "I'm not here to pressure you, Kathryn. All I want to know is why—"

"Oh, stop it!" She jumped off the sofa, somehow condensing a tidal wave of anger and frustration into a two meter stretch that she began to pace. "You know why. I'm the captain, I can't be—" she clamped her mouth shut. They'd avoided saying the words so far, and she certainly wasn't going to be the one to start.

She took a deep breath. She was being foolish, and she knew it. Just because he didn’t share her inner conflict didn't mean he was out to get her. From his perspective, the abrupt change in their interactions must have been like stepping off a cliff he never saw coming. At the very least, he deserved her honesty now.

"If I could," she continued quietly. "I would. I promise you that. But our position…and Mark…" she swallowed hard as the thought of her fiancé; it was one thing when they thought they would be trapped in the Delta Quadrant forever, but now that there was hope…

Chakotay rose as well, moving to her side. "I understand. And keep in mind, I'm not asking for more than you're willing to give. But I have a proposal." Kathryn's eyebrows shot up, and Chakotay winced. "A poor choice of words. A suggestion, let's call it."

"I'm listening."

"Dinner, twice a week. The crew is used to seeing us together off-duty, and they know how much time we spent together on the planet; they won't think anything of it. We change into civilian clothes, and we don't talk about the ship—it's just dinner. If it eventually becomes something more than just dinner, great. If not, that's fine too. If it starts to become something more, but it interferes with our duties, then we talk about it and it goes back to being just dinner." He paused, and she could sense him restraining himself from reaching out to touch her. "Even you can't do it alone, Kathryn."

She turned her back, unwilling to let him see the tears welling up in her eyes—her only visible reaction to his tenderness. Inside, however, she was in turmoil. A part of her, a part that had gained significant influence and power while they had been on the planet together, was ready to throw in the towel, screw the regulations, and live happily ever after. But however that part had grown, it still couldn't overpower her logical fears of a broken command, a broken engagement, and a broken heart.

That said, he was right. From the moment they entered the Delta Quadrant she had recognized the need to have someone by her side, someone to shoulder some of her suffocating burden, and he had always been there. For a short while her only responsibilities had been to herself, then all at once she was crushed by the needs of the ship again—it had almost been enough to seek out Chaktoay despite her resolutions. If there was a way she could have his support again…if she didn't have to push him away…

"Yes," she whispered.

"Sorry?" Chakotay asked.

She turned around with dry eyes and a wry grin. "Alright Chakotay, it's a deal. But don't think you'll be getting any special favors from me on the bridge."

Chakotay matched her smile. "I wouldn't dream of it."

Kathryn's heart soared as she felt their familiar camaraderie click back into place. "Your quarters tomorrow, then?"

"My quarters?"

"It was your idea; logically, it should be your quarters." A sweet aroma drifted out of her memory. "Oh—and you're cooking."


End file.
